WELCOME TO THE SPLATZONE!!!

Did you know i love splatoon?? If you have spent 5 minutes around me you know i loveeee the squid game… However, what surprises most is that I LITERALLY HAVE NO CLUE WHAT HAPPENS IN IT!!!!!! Do NOT ask me anything that happens in story mode (i never finished it and hate reading), do NOT ask me what the salmonids names are (who even knows that??) do NOT ask me who’s in any of the splatbands (i know chirpy chips and thats IT!!) and do NOT ask me which agent is who I literally dont know anyt of them except 8 and even then I still have no idea.

I have been playing Splatoon for ~2 years constantly and have over 400 hours and yet still cannot tell you a single thing about it. I do not know what it is about this game that makes me utterly allergic to remembering a single thing about it genuinely. It boggles even me.

Now I first got into Splatoon because a guy I wanted to talk to and be friends with mentioned it and i was like “hmmm ok i guess i will get the game so we will have something to talk about…” and then BOOM MY WORLD CRUMBLED!!!!!!! My ploy did in fact work though and we did in fact become besties!!! Even now 2 years later we will not shut up about this stupid squid game. Horrific…

My first introduction to Splatoon I remember veryyyy vividly. I was around 10 years old and this video called “Splatoon vs de blob” came onto my feed. I think everyone should watch that video. I was so horrified by it that I decided to watch it 10 times in a row. I was way too young to realize it was just a full minute of a very prolonged cumshot joke but it was very alluring to me. Maybe that was the start of my decline. Im not too sure honestly. But this video was pretty much my only exposure to Splatoon for a very long time. All I knew of Splatoon was that it was the cum game. So imagine my surprise when someone says they like the cum game and my brain tells me I need the cum game. I spent $60 of my own money to play the cum game. It was worth it though I dont regret it one bit. Love it.